We age, we get wiser, here’s my 2 cents
LESSON UNO – Who Is You
Set aside some time (better earlier than later) to look inward and understand yourself, your values, and admit what truly makes you happy. The decisions you’ll make, the relationships you’ll nourish, the inner-talk you’ll feed yourself: everything will be shaped and led by these understandings. But the best thing about this seemingly huge piece of work? You’ll gain so much focus and clarity on what to let into your life (or not) it’s almost too good to be true. Erect those boundaries, baby.
And to be completely honest (look at me, honouring one of my core values), it took me 10 years to figure this shit out. My mom always tried to set me straight when I was a kid and a teenager, as I would always do as I pleased, going my own way, taking my own decisions. I’ve always been a rebel. But that resulted in weak discipline in many aspects of my life. I had the freedom to start new projects, sports, jobs—but I also had the freedom to drop them the moment they no longer entertained me.
This created a sort of instability, restlessness, craving for belonging and for finding my thing. Finding myself. I had a low-key, long, and sweaty identity crisis. The self-discovery is still going (and I hope it never stops) but I feel like I’ve figured out the majority of blind spots I had growing up, and I’m close to identifying what’s truly “mine” in my life.
Talking of values, after 10 years of soul searching, mine are now crystal clear:
- Health and movement
- Meaningful and nurturing connections
- Providing service to others and being a dependable human
- Self-development, growth, and evolution
- Inner harmony and trust in my own intuition
- Honesty and authenticity (no people-pleasing bullshit no mo’ ✋🏼)
- Having fun and being happy (and living in gratitude for how things are now)
- Freedom and individuality!!!
- Stability and wealth → important for peace of mind and scaling my impact
- Courage to do all of the above and beyond, with a side of educated risk-taking
This is the groundwork I had to lay for the other lessons to even have space to show up in my life.
LESSON DUE – I Do What I Want
Yesterday I brunched with a friend. She’s a new mom and I love her. But the conversation left me perplexed.
As a mom, can you have everything? Are you doing a better job changing the world than someone child-free? Or does it just take longer because, you know, sleep deprivation, school schedules, recitals, playgrounds waiting-arounds…
Maybe you gain more purpose, wanting your child to live in a better world. But will you have the energy, focus, and strength to deliver on that purpose?
Moms make it seem like they’re doing it all. Until right before asking for the cheque, when they drop the freeze-your-eggs line. Because the clock is ticking, girl. And moms need more mom friends.
Thinking about sacrificing my freedom and having a family right now (one roof, no silence, no privacy comes to mind) makes me feel like a morse is tightening around my neck.
But didn’t I once want that? Was I in love with the idea of it? Was it societal pressure? The bliss of ignorance? Am I just hating on it now because my partner doesn’t want kids?
Maybe I’ll find out when the clock really starts ticking.
Right now, as a fully functioning, emotionally independent adult, I don’t feel the need to tie another human to me with a child. Nor do I feel the need to pour my whole self, my time, and my energy into a small human who won’t answer my existential questions for another six years (and if I do have kids—we’re doing introspection early, baby).
Obviously, building a family is hard, constant work. Kind of like building yourself. But for once, it feels exquisite to just enjoy the fruits of that work—the confidence I walk with, the knowledge I’ve built, the peace I feel from not “doing what I’m supposed to be doing” at my age.
Honestly? Making kids is too easy. You fall right into the cookie-cutter role you were handed, without doing the uncomfortable work of asking: is this really mine? Finding purpose outside of parenting is harder. Scarier. But also more expansive.
Parenting narrows your focus, your daily problems become microscopic but all-consuming. And I ask myself: am I solving daily tantrums, or am I using my life and my brain to solve problems for more humans—and eventually their kids too?
And yes, I know many moms do amazing work while raising children. But let’s be real—how much can you really do if you don’t outsource childcare? And what kind of relationship do you build with your child if you barely spend time with them?
To me, it feels like a massive compromise. And my life right now isn’t ready for it.
I still want to meet people. Build things. Create impact. I’m in my “Generativity” phase. That’s Erik Erikson’s 7th stage of psychosocial development (he’s the Harvard psych who mapped out the eight stages that shape personality). In this phase, adults strive to create or nurture projects, people, communities. It’s about doing for others, not just for yourself.
So yes. Everyone has a choice.
You decide to have a child. I decide not to. You build a family. I build a community.
But I’m not going to pressure you into running a marathon because your knees won’t be so kind in a few decades. Same energy.
Do what you want. But make sure it’s your want.
Family isn’t one of my core values. It’s always felt like captivity. Tiptoeing to avoid your parents’ anger, tolerating their awful partners, feeling out of place in your own home. No thanks.
And then I see new moms experiencing isolation. They howl for company. I’ve been there too. After high school, when everyone stayed local and I packed my bags for Moscow to go find myself and re-educate my view of life.
You have to trust your intuition. Stop folding under social pressure. Don’t listen to people whose life you don’t even want. Watch what excites you in that irresistible, full-body, soul-level way. That’s where your life lives.
LESSON TRE – YOLO
Master courage.
The passions and instincts you had as a kid? They don’t disappear. They just get buried. Buried under other people’s opinions. Under fear. Under shame. Under your own second-guessing.
I inherited a lot of fear from my mom. She’s always been afraid. Relied on others to tell her what to do. But now that I’ve seen it clearly, I can start to rewrite that pattern.
And honestly, the time is now. Life is short. Your brain gets less flexible as you age. In your 30s, 40s, 50s, you hit crossroads. If you’ve spent years ignoring what really makes you happy, it gets harder to return to it. Regret creeps in. The path back gets overgrown.
There’s actual research on this. A 2024 study in Psychology and Aging found that people who obsess over regrets or failed goals are more likely to experience depression later in life. But those who reframe, who shift their goals to something new and achievable? They stay mentally healthier.
So your well-being might actually depend on how “delulu” you’re willing to be about your past. Or how brave you are about your future. You choose. Stay safe in the known, or leap into the life that excites you and live with the consequences, good and bad.
Which are you more afraid of?
Doing nothing and dying with regret, or doing the scary thing and learning who you are?
LESSON QUATTRO – Get Deep
Learn real skills, and the world opens up to you.
That’s been my story. I’ve started learning about sports, women’s health, relationships, spirituality, sex—and suddenly, the people I attract into my life are wildly interesting.
It doesn’t matter how late you start. But start.
When you’re young, you have the freedom to learn without needing immediate payback. In my tech career, I was always down for the unpaid internships, the quiet grind, the long view. No applause. No overnight success.
Now with Sportiva (this blog, the foundation of the business I’m building), I’m diving into how the female body and mind behave under high-performance living. I’ll be sharing my marathons training knowledge, reflections, and science-backed learnings. I’ll be exploring sex health and sex positivity. I’ll also be talking about my journey in building relationships that are real, stable, expansive, and nourishing.
This blog’s structure will be intentionally messy in places, mirroring my emotional unraveling and raw thoughts—which I don’t feel like filtering, because I want you to get my essence, not a polished, squeaky-clean, aesthetic version of it. I want to build community around all of it—where we can be bold, raw, curious, and deeply introspective together. That’s a skill too.
As I grow, I feel this quiet pull toward supporting others—by voicing the lessons I’ve learnt so far, by clearing doubts I’ve had myself, and by creating space for honest, unfiltered reflection. I’m learning to do it by exposing myself first. By being vulnerable, honest, messy. Another skill I’m mastering.
Rant over. Let me know if you relate to anything. 💕✨🪽
Sportiva Retreats 
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